I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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