I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
