Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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