We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
