My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
