There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
