i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
