Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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