my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
