I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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