thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
