I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
