i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
