If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
