we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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