Screwed.edu
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
