At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
