it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
