im drinking this country out of the recession.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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