Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
