Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
