Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
