A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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