he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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