For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
