This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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