She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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