Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
