Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
