My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
