so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
