I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
