don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
