Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
