I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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