I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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