I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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