One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
