He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
dude. I can hear the air.
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