just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
