sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
