3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
