she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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