I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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