woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
