I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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