For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
