So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
