Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
