I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
